Top 15 George Carlin Lines

America lost one its greatest comedians and philosophers of the last half century, as George Carlin passed away at age 71. Whether you agreed with him or disagreed with him, he is one of the few people in entertainment who could entertain at the same time he made you think. Here is a collection of 15 of my favorite George Carlin lines (well, my top 15 clean ones anyway):

1. Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?
2. Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it.
3. Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
4. At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
5. The very existence of flame-throwers proves that some time, somewhere, someone said to themselves, “You know, I want to set those people over there on fire, but I’m just not close enough to get the job done.”
6. Think of how stupid the average person is, and realize that half of them are stupider than that.
7. What year did Jesus think it was?
8. You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
9. Here’s a bumper sticker I’d like to see: “We are the proud parents of a child who’s self-esteem is sufficient that he doesn’t need us promoting his minor scholastic achievements on the back of our car.”
10. I’ve never seen a homeless guy with a bottle of Gatorade.
11. One great thing about getting old is that you can get out of all sorts of social obligations just by saying you’re too tired.
12. Property is theft. Nobody “owns” anything. When you die, it all stays here.
13.  “Meow” means “woof” in cat.
14. I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don’t have as many people who believe it.
15. In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem.

Tagged as: Geroge Carlin